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Joke of the Day
"What do you call 2 Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan."
Next Joke
"Wife said I should talk to the kids about drugs so I told them how faking a back injury would usually get you some Vicodin."
"It's too bad Batman's real name wasn't Bruce Bates, then Alfred would be saying Master Bates all the time."
"I used to hate flying. I thought the plane would go down. But now I just bring my wife with me on the plane because my wife never goes down."
"I got tired of our restroom smelling like other people's crap so I placed a chunk of mine behind the hot air vent."
"Interviewer: What would you say is your greatest strength? Me: Definitely my insecurities. Very strong."
"Somebody called me pretentious today... I almost choked on my chai latte."
"What would Steve Harvey change his name to if he suddenly became bulimic? Heave Starvey"
"You're Twitter famous. Cool, cool. I won a dodgeball tournament in 3rd grade and I got a real trophy for that."
"A wise chinese guy once said to me ""if the dog barks, it's undercooked"" - Some wise chinese guy"