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Joke of the Day

"I used to hate flying. I thought the plane would go down. But now I just bring my wife with me on the plane because my wife never goes down."

"What is a Barefooted Locksmith's favorite drink? Sake. (sock-key)"

"If you have a tattoo on your head, you've lost the right to ask me what I'm looking at."

"*points to person jogging outside through the snow* ""Look kids, a lunatic"""

"dear matt Damon for Halloween I think you should go as Matt Demon or Good Will Haunting. text me if you do"

"If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to"

"Of Course the Moon Landings Were Staged I've never heard of a single staged rocket going to the moon."

"I got 45 pages into writing my autobiography before I realized I was just typing the lyrics to Smash Mouth's ""All Star"" over and over again."

"So, did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil."

"What's the difference between chocolate and a dead hooker? You can feed one to your dog"