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Joke of the Day

"I told my 2-year-old to find her shoes She cupped her hands & yelled ""Shoes, where are you?"" I'd help her, but I want to see if this works"

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"What did the Loch Ness Monster say to his friend? Long time no sea."
"I have two personal trainers... One on each foot!"
"Unintentionally Offensive Word Nerd Pickup Line Do you feel stupid? 'Cause your ass a nine. Like, asinine? ...I'll show myself out"
"A Pervert, A Con Artist and a Fascist walk into a bar... ..The Bartender Says, ""What'll it be Mr. President Trump?"""
"What's your New Year's resolution? Mines is still 1920x1080, unfortunately."
"Why did the semen cross the road? I put the wrong socks on this morning..."
"What dog loves to take bubble baths ? A shampoodle !"
"I don't understand you,"" cried my girlfriend. ""One minute you're really offensive to me and the next you're really polite."" ""Bitch, please,"" I said"
"Got a tan this weekend. Might exchange it for a turquoise."