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Joke of the Day

"I have two personal trainers... One on each foot!"

"I need a backspace key for my mouth"

"The Golden Globes is how everyone else on twitter gets revenge on sports fans."

"Me: Someone broke into the business next door last night. Coworker: Wasn't the building alarmed? Me: Buildings don't get scared. CW....."

"What did the talking cow say to the dog giving birth in front of the feed trough? Moo, bitch. Get out the way."

"How are Oscar the Grouch and the Olympic Diving Pools in Rio de Janeiro similar? They're both green, smell like farts, and will stay that way for 47 years."

"Why did Jeffrey Dahmer fuck his corpses? He already had a skin lamp, but he didn't have a flesh light"

"ur honor, i call GOD as my witness *jury gasps* *nothimg happens* *slowley, a man w/ beard rises from the stands* damit no Gary sit down"

"My company has a nicotine like addiction to conference calls."

"You call it laziness', I call it laziness' too because I don't feel like coming up with an alternate excuse."