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Joke of the Day

"What did the Loch Ness Monster say to his friend? Long time no sea."

"Friend: I want a baby. Me: Remember when your neighbor was practicing the clarinet at 1AM? It's like that, but you can't call the cops."

"I wear a cape when I'm driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I'm going somewhere to fight crime."

"A Roman walks into a bar.... A roman walks into a bar and holds up two fingers. ""5 pints please."""

"What food is given to ebola patients? Pizza because it can be slipped under the door."

"Why shouldn't you put a baby in the microwave? Because you get better results from slowly roasting it in the oven."

"*sees girl at bar* Hey baby, wanna get outta here? ""Sure!"" Good, you're really killing the vibe."

"What do you call Al-Qaeda's April Fools prank? A jihahahad!"

"I cant stop eating ice cream... It's a rocky road to addiction."

"Knock Knock! Knock Knock Who's there? Eat mop. Eat mop who?? I will do no such thing"