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Joke of the Day

"The girls that say that all guys want is sex, are usually the ones who have only that to offer."

"Sometimes when I'm sitting in a swivel chair, I'll turn around quickly and smile and pretend I'm in the opening credits of a sitcom"

"My stalker sucks. She needs to try harder. I always have to keep going & finding her. It's like I'm following HER around. It's ridiculous."

"*goes to watch youtube vid* BUFFER well okay *lifts weights* *checks again* BUFFER *does steroids* BUFFER ""WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME"""

"Name your newborn Cylinder so the day he finishes high school he'd become a Graduated Cylinder"

"What do you call a scruffy lazy ant? Decadant."

"Have you heard the one about the ignorant proctologist? He didn't know shit."

"How do you pick up older Spanish women? Hola Seniority"

"Did you hear about the mooning emoji? Its colon was showing"

"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."