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Joke of the Day

"The true mark of maturity is when somebody hurts you, and you try to understand them in order to best tailor a revenge plot that suits them."

"Q:What did one plate say to the other plate? A:('Lunch is on me!')"

"I tried to steal a didgeridoo from a museum... I didgeri-shouldn't-have-done-that. 3 years...."

"A guy I know calls women's periods ""shark week."" I asked him why, and he told me ""Beware of blood in the water. The fearsome beast will bite your head clean off, unprovoked, when you least expect it."""

"What Will Come After Fuller House? Fullest House. Then, Get Out of My House"

"A bee was buzzing around my head and I was all ""It's not worth it, bro"" and he was all ""Fuck you, let's dance."" Stung me and he's dead."

"I'm trying to write a joke about unemployed people... But it needs more work"

"They say that nothing can be erased from the Internet... Except for Hillary's emails."

"What's the best part of having sex with twenty-six year olds? There's 20 of them!"

"Q: What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone? A: A Rolling Stone says ""hey you get off of my cloud!"" while a Scotsman says ""Hey McLeod get off of my ewe!"""