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Joke of the Day

"I tried to steal a didgeridoo from a museum... I didgeri-shouldn't-have-done-that. 3 years...."

"RIP to that hoodie you left at your ex-gf's house. She says she has no idea what youre talkin about but she knows. Wheres my hoodie, Denise?"

"Damnnnnn gurl... I wanna to take you back to my place, get you alone and just do work on your grammar."

"if your religion infringes on people's rights; sorry, you've had hundreds of years to change everyone's mind- obviously that hasn't happened"

"I have a friend who's fat, alcoholic, and transvestite. All he does all day long is eat drink and be Mary"

"What do you tell a conductor when they lose control of their orchestra? Go Bach and get a Handel on it!"

"Do you know why the government is important? It isn't, now have a landmine. -Ron Swanson"

"I like my beer like I like my woman Without a fucking dick in it. Fuck you Amy, fuck you"

"What's the most difficult part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair"

"Judas: Still on for Friday? ""Jesus: Friday?"" ""Judas: Yeah, the Last Supper."" ""Jesus: The what?"" ""Judas: Supper. Normal supper with the fellas."""