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Joke of the Day

"Woman finds out her husband is gay Wife: YOU'RE GAY?! WTF. I'm going out! Husband: Where are you going?! Wife: I'm going to find a real man! Husband: Well, don't forget to get me one too!"

"He always wanted a woman that would devour him whole like a gas station roasted chicken. She always wanted a gas station roasted chicken."

"If there are degrees of asshole, I'm the pressing the crosswalk button even after watching you do it because maybe you did it wrong kind."

"What's a bitch's favorite form of advertisement? A paw pup."

"Why did Hugh Glass go to the doctor? Because he felt grizzly after months of unbearable pain."

"If I do get murdered in this motel, will someone please deduct a star from my review over on Yelp? Thanks."

"The mechanic has informed me that the shrieking sound I hear in my car on my way to work is apparently me."

"Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a 6-offender."

"See-saws are too tense..."

"What does Sean Connery's nemesis and the crater of a volcano have in common? They're both ash-holes."