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Joke of the Day

"If there are degrees of asshole, I'm the pressing the crosswalk button even after watching you do it because maybe you did it wrong kind."

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my dick into your mouth."

"What should you never ask at a gay bar? Can I push your stool in?"

"Yarrrr! What's a pirrrate's favorite letterrr? ""R?"" NOOO!!! It's the Sea!!!"

"If you get sexted by someone you don't like...does that mean you got molexted?"

"What did ""Nock"" say to ""K""? You can join us, as long as you stay quiet."

"Barista: Did you hear Netflix is raising its price $2 a month? Me: Ridiculous! I won't pay it! B: here's your coffee. $12.32 M: thank you"

"*professes my undying love to my microwave* *microwave sets itself on fire*"

"Human confrontation has gone from face-to-face to phone call to email to text to :/."

"Mouse and elephant are on their way to the pool. *Told* *by* *my* *adorable* *niece.* Elephant: Bollox! I forgot my swim trunks! Mouse: Don't worry, I brought a spare."