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Joke of the Day

"What does Sean Connery's nemesis and the crater of a volcano have in common? They're both ash-holes."

"Why fart and waste it? When you can burp and taste it."

"my 14 year old came back with this after his biology class Q. who was the Jewish prophet that led the water molecules across the partially permeable membrane? A. osmoses"

"Have you ever tried Nicaraguan food? They haven't."

"I added Michael J Fox as a friend on Instagram... He likes every single one of my photos."

"My girlfriend was masturbating with a carrot in the back seat of my car I shouted, ""Fuck! Seriously? I was going to eat that later, and now it's just going to taste like carrots!"""

"I'm tired.... I hear there is a nap for that."

"Waiter there is a fly in my soup ! Yes sir thats the manager the last customer was a witch doctor !"

"How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb? Wanna go ride bikes?!?"

"Jesus: *turns water into wine* Me: nice Me: *turns a steak into a cheesesteak* Jesus: *whispering under his breath* holy shit"