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Joke of the Day
"PILLOW: Hey, your anniversary is today, go buy her some flowers ME: Wow, thank God for memory foam"
Next Joke
"After hearing all this stuff about Russia being upset I'm just like... Oh Putin, Crimea river."
"Why did the feminist cross the road? To suck my dick"
"Little Girl: mom, I want to be an alligator when I grow up Mom: well, pick one. You can't be...acghhghh! Stop eating me! Aghhghhh...ah..a...bleh."
"Why did the chicken cross the road? bu-buk-buk- becaaause! (pretend i made chicken noises)"
"What are baby witches called? Halloweenies."
"what did the hat say to the other hat? ""you go on ahead."" I'd like to thank Twitternation, Steve Wozniak, Adam Schefter, @MattGroening and anyone else who helped me achieve this great feat!"
"What's Beethoven's favourite fruit? BA NA NA NA. BA NA NA NA."
"What do you call a sleepwalking Nun? A roamin catholic"
"I may be Indian.. ...but damn Curry sucks!"