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Joke of the Day

"Little Girl: mom, I want to be an alligator when I grow up Mom: well, pick one. You can't be...acghhghh! Stop eating me! Aghhghhh...ah..a...bleh."

"An iPhone user walks into... [x-post r/funny] a bar, a hotel, a field. He's not too sure"

"What do you get when you mix a pickle and a deer? A dilldoe"

"I had a scary moment when..... I had a scary moment when I was opening my new expensive furniture with a stanley knife. I damn near slit my shelf"

"I went to a massage parlor today... When it was time for the happy ending, I finished in 20 seconds. The massause said I need to come more often."

"Saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as ""grabbing for swirling dollars inside a plexiglas Cash Cube."""

"Food is like dark humor. Not everybody gets it."

"/r/askreddit thread ""What's the best clean joke you know"" with thousands of replies http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/zrotp/whats_the_best_clean_joke_you_know/"

"I was sad when I learned Steve Irwin died... .. but at least he died the same way he lived: with animals in his heart."

"What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber? Nothing, you can't cross a vector with a scalar."