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Joke of the Day

"In the motorcycle safety course they tell you that target fixation is bad, where your eyes are looking is where you usually end up. Must be why I keep running over female joggers."

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"I don't remember 6th grade science being this hard. But then again, in 6th grade, I wasn't trying to do homework after 3 glasses of wine."
"What kind of musical instrument do mice play ? A mouse organ !"
"Why isn't the word gangster pronounced [Jang-ster]? Because there ain't no such thing as a soft 'G.'"
"AGE 18: There's someone special out there for you! AGE 28: You'll find them one day! AGE 38: It'll happen! DEAD: Just be patient!"
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."
"Geeze, how's all the news in Nepal? It's really shaking me up!"
"I'm not on the Atkins Diet. I'm on the Rowan Atkinson Diet... It's all BEANS!!"
"Why don't women need to go to college? Because it doesn't take four years to learn how to make a sandwich."
"What do you call a girl with one leg. Eileen."