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Joke of the Day

"What kind of musical instrument do mice play ? A mouse organ !"

"If I had a dollar for every time a homeless person asked me for money... I'd still say no."

"Why do melons have to get married in a church? Because they cantaloupe."

"[at stadium with child] Me: That is batball. [at the races] Me: That is horse circles. [at the opera] Me: This is horned yodeling."

"What's a mathematicians favourite plant? Any that has a square root!"

"Test results are in, you might want to have a seat ""I'd rather stand"" Are you sure? You have ""Falls Down When Gets Bad News"" disease *Thud*"

"I talk a lot of shit for someone who still uses their fingers to count."

"I'm told I sleep like a baby. ... I wake up crying every few hours"

"What should you do if you're cold? Stand in the corner, because it's 90 degrees."

"Don't lose the girl of your life, for the hoe of the night."