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Joke of the Day

"I'm never a more ineffective parent than when I accidentally make threats that rhyme."

"Did Adam and Eve ever have a date? No, but they had an Apple. "

"What's 12 inches long and makes your wife scream all night? Sudden Infant Death Syndrome."

"Hi, Id like to buy a Nutri-Bullet, pls. Salesperson: Ah, nice. Off on a cleanse or health kick? Yes. *imagines drinking lasagna* For sure."

"Why did 7 8 9? ...Fuck"

"What's black, cheap, and not worth a damn? A cup of decaf"

"What did the white guy see when he looked at his family tree? A straight line."

"Why did the blonde stare at a frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said ""concentrate""! "

"How do you protect yourself from ghosts? Hide in the living room."

"Whenever people are like ""We need to restore traditional values to this country"" I assume they mean slavery and burning witches at the stake"