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Joke of the Day

"Did you know: the average American spends 8,000 years of their life refilling Brita water pitchers."

"What do you call a lazy crocodile? A procrastigator (I'm trash)"

"USDA steak inspector? YEP! Chuck Testa!"

"Annoucement: At my funeral, all my tweets shall be recited. I will then haunt whomever leaves first, demanding honest feedback for eternity."

"What's the difference between an outlaw and an in- law? Outlaws are wanted."

"You're more special than relativity."

"Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen."

"Who are worse than Hitler, Stalin and Mao combined? The mods of this subreddit."

"For once I would like to find a babysitter that doesn't get all upset when she gets to my house and realizes I don't have kids"

"Dont Use Your Dirty Mind **What did the banana say to the vibrator? Why are you shaking? She's gonna eat me!**"