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Joke of the Day

"Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen."

"How many more spills do you think parents in paper towel commercials can take before they just push one of those kids down the stairs?"

"It turns out that 3 is the amount of times you can suck on your dentist's finger before she stops believing that you're doing it accidentally."

"[a postapocalyptic world where everyone has killed themselves so they dont have to hear my opinions] me: lemme explain y this is problematic"

"Why did the male ghost get scared after the female ghost said ""boo""? The male ghost wasn't ready for a committed relationship."

"My kids have voted, and the results are in. It's official, I've been elected the President of Empty Threats."

"Teacher to Student...? Conjugate the verb ""to walk"" in simple present. The student: I walk. You walk .... The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please. The student: I run. You run ..."

"How can you tell male from female ants? Throw them in a bucket of water; if it floats, it's buoyant."

"If you're in a clown posse, you don't need to tell us you're insane. We know. Nobody's thinking you're an emotionally stable clown posse."

"Why is the sea salty? Because when it waves, you never wave back!"