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Joke of the Day

"I now have an EpiPen My friend gave it to me when he was dying. It seemed really important that I have it, I will cherish forever."

"What do you call a dwarf with a birth defect, is broke and can't drink milk? Lack toes and tall or rent"

"Yo mama fell down... The physicists discovered Gravitational waves today"

"How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two but you're going to need a damn big lightbulb."

"What's the new etiquette rule: am I supposed to wait until everyone is done photographing their meals before I start eating mine?"

"Blowing your load on a girl counts as a baby shower right ?"

"Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain."

"My spirit animal just ran into a glass door."

"Apples greatest success is convincing the world they need a new phone, to replace the one you aren't making phone calls on, every year."

"ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!!! *holds up severed head The crowd stared in horror as the National Spelling Bee contest took a morbid twist."