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Joke of the Day

"An impressed man and his friend. Man: ""'Wow, you're omniscient!"" Friend: ""What does that mean?"" Man: ""Nevermind."""

"A Brow Beating I told my girlfriend that it looked like she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."

"A joke and 3 cocks What's the difference between a joke and 3 cocks. Your mom can't take a joke."

"Watching the Olympics. Me: HOLY SHIT THAT WAS AMAZING! GOLD MEDAL! Announcer: Ohhh! Not a good performance, those scores will not be pretty."

"snapchat conversations are hard because eventually you just run out of selfie poses so you end up taking pictures of the couch or something"

"Well if Trump is a bad president, hopefully by the next election... We'll have 2020 hindsight"

"Why do Polish people's names end in 'ski'? Because they can't spell toboggan."

"Men think of arguments as single isolated events. Women, in my experience, think of them as installments in some sort of perpetual continuum"

"If you were forced at gunpoint to either watch '50 Shades Of Grey' or read the book, what type of gun would you prefer to be shot dead with?"

"If a velociraptor is running.. and he speeds up, does he become an acceleraptor?"