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Joke of the Day

"If you were forced at gunpoint to either watch '50 Shades Of Grey' or read the book, what type of gun would you prefer to be shot dead with?"

"My wife is mad at me. Get this, her diary says I have boundary issues."

"[loudly so dad who's been depressed since mom left can hear] Oh no, my GPS broke! If only I had some good DRIVING DIRECTIONS *dad looks up*"

"My blood type is also my life motto: B Positive"

"What's the difference between the holocaust and killing 5 black men? 5,999,997"

"Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""We don't serve bacteria here."" And the bacteria says, *""But we work here. We're staph.""*"

"Hillary Clinton has been frequenting a new restaurant, reports say. I guess the main appeal of it is her own private server."

"Who made Lewis and Clark's footwear? Sock-a-gawea."

"The company that makes the Opera browser have asked Sir Patrick Stewart to redesign their logo They want him to make its O."

"How many monkeys does it take to write a Shakespeare novel by accident? As many as it takes /r/jokes submitters to write an original joke. (by accident)^^^"