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Joke of the Day

"snapchat conversations are hard because eventually you just run out of selfie poses so you end up taking pictures of the couch or something"

"Did you hear about the new car that instead of using gas, runs on Carbon, Oxygen, Carbon, and Potassium? It's a real guzzler."

"I ask that my remains me kept in an urn... ...and whoever keeps the urn squirts some lotion in there periodically because you guys know I can't stand being ashy."

"There was a robbery in Antarctica, but it was stopped. There was even a party to celebrate Justice was served"

"That which does not kill me... should run."

"what is the best gift for a jehovah's witness? an advent calender all those doors so many possibiltes."

"I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker, But when i got home all the signs were there."

"Reddit TIFU... ...since she said she wanted to be on top."

"My mom said follow your dreams, So I went back to bed."

"My doctor told me to get a lot of rest and fluids so I've been on a drunk rage in my bedroom since 1988."