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Joke of the Day

"A Brow Beating I told my girlfriend that it looked like she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."

"On the last day of camp everyone was asked the same question: 'What is the best part of the camp?' One wise guy answered 'Going home!'"

"I'm in a long-distance relationship My girlfriend lives in the future."

"I like telling people I'm 4 months pregnant so they'll tell me how great I look."

"*scrawls note on deserted isle* TRAPPED ON ISLAND! HELP ME! *sends off in bottle* *it returns, months later, with reply* NEW BOTTLE WHO DIS?"

"Wake up, kids! Bees can't even read, much less spell. IT'S A SCAM!"

"I always watch the credits at the end of a movie just to see if there's a chance I got drunk and stumbled onto the set."

"I often agree to let my kids sleep over at other people's houses, just to remind parents that there are kids who are way worse than theirs."

"Friend: Be adventurous in the bedroom, girls love that [Later in bedroom] Me: You like that? *Lays another bear trap* You like that babe?"

"*replaces cream in doughnuts with mayo, tries not to laugh as Frank from accounting eats one...watches, waits, frowns as Frank goes for 2nd"