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Joke of the Day

"Marriage Tip: Try not to leave a footprint on your spouse's ass as they get out of the car when you drop them at the airport."

"Someone asked me why all of my Instagram photos look so funny. It must be my Selfie Shtick."

"What is brown and rhymes with ""snoop""? Dr.Dre"

"What's the longest word in the world? Marriage. Because it's not just a word, it's a fuckin' sentence."

"A fish's Google search history: - do fish have short term memory? - do fish have short term memory? - do fish have short term memory?"

"Why do Chicken Coops have two doors? Because if they had four doors, they would be a chicken sedan. *slaps knee*"

"My biggest fear is dying in a car accident that doesn't totally destroy my phone"

"HALT! Hammerzeit!"

"What is a Jew's least favorite animal ? A dolphin"

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? They can't, cause they can't change anything. (Just told to me by my 12 year old son.)"