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Joke of the Day

"HALT! Hammerzeit!"

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"Everyone says they are sick of my Linkin Park references... But in the end, it doesn't even matter."
"You have tattoos and curves? *unbuttons pants* You're also batshit crazy? *takes off pants* You listen to Paramore? *puts on clothes*"
".oneliner ihave a friend who does porn; she says it.s not as hard as it looks..."
"What would life be without plumbing? Shitty"
"""Can you validate my parking?"" ""You parked beautifully. Your dad would be proud."" *wipes away tears* ""Thanks."""
"Father Rooney told us he figured out how to make his penis 12 inches Fold it in half."
"I [19/M] am in a D/s relationship, and mistook some pushover chick from my uni for my GF [18/F]! Whoops, wrong sub."
"Soup: for when you want to be hungry again in 20 minutes"
"DEODORANT: ugh i hate my job, gotta go in his gross armpit all the time TOILET PAPER: bro"