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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot."

"What do you call a gangster who is really in touch with his emotions? An emo-g "

"So I was about to roll a joint with a page from the Qur'an... But I decided that I didn't really feel like getting stoned."

"If someone ever intimidates you just remember that they're 70% water. *Are you afraid of water...?* Well you should be 300,000 people drown every year."

"I don't like it when my phone puts a word in ""quotals"" like I made it up or I'm stupid or something."

"If God were a guitar chord, what would he be? Gsus"

"Why did the sasquatch go on a diet? He didn't want to be Obeast."

"""Hey can you take our picture?"" ME: yea sure *takes picture* ME: wait sorry, The Flash was turned on THE FLASH: *blushing in the background*"

"How do you spot a blind man at a nudist beach? It's not hard.."

"Q: What did the dumb blonde say when told that ""Scheherezade"" was composed by Rimsky-Korsakov ? A: ""Why'd his mom choose to call him Rimsky of all names ?!!?"""