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Joke of the Day

"What happened when the cow jumped over the barbed wire fence? It was an udder disaster. ^(I'll show myself out)"

"Why did the bacteriologist quit her job? She hated being microbe-managed."

"Is molestation rape foreplay? Is it rude to molest someone and then not rape them? Woman: I didn't let him rape me because he did not molest me first. I'm not that type of girl."

"[meeting GF's mom] Wow! This must be your sister! Your baby sister! *shakes keys in front of her face* I'm overselling this, aren't I?"

"Speaking of dogs... There's a dog with no hind legs, and bollocks made of steel. So, this dog is coming down the street. Do you know what is the name of the dog? . . . . Sparky!"

"The thing about good music is.. ...its technically sound."

"""Papa who was Hamlet?"" ""You birdbrain! Bring me the Bible and I'll show you who he was."""

"YOU make some noise. You're the one with the band and the microphone."

"I used to pray for a new bike... then i found out that's not how god works so I stole one and prayed to be forgiven"

"Everything's so politically correct nowadays that you can't even say ""black paint."" Instead you have to say ""Jamaal please paint my fence."""