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Joke of the Day

"Having kids is like being at a press conference: ""No, you can't put the dog in the washer - next question."" ""No, you can't really fly -next"""

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"Where do Muslims go after they die? Everywhere"
"What is the difference between a laddie and a lady? One has a d where the other doesn't."
"maybe babys cry bc theyve realized their potential for greatness decreases w/ each passing secomd until they die an old soul w/ lost dreams"
"Make a horror film less scary by putting old timey words in the title, i.e. The Thingamabob, Jason Goes To Heck or The Hills Have Peepers."
"Just because I don't talk to you, or text you first, doesn't mean I don't miss you. I'm just waiting for you to miss me."
"Breaking news: The world is running out of plastic. Citizens everywhere say its because of Nicki Minaj's implants."
"How many light bulbs does it take to change a person? None. Light bulbs don't change anything."
"*snorts a line of powdered milk* God damn it feels good to be healthy"
"A friend of mine told me all my clothes were gay... ""Keep your voice down!"" I yelled, ""some of them are still in the closet."""