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Joke of the Day

"The difference between sex and pumpkin carving? In pumpkin carving, one is trying to get all of the seeds out."

"Meek Mill's response"

"Why is unprotected ear sex unsafe? You can get hearing aids."

"Day 3 in the desert: I have somehow gained the respect of some birds as they are circling above me in some sort of protective formation"

"Summer Safety Tip: Before swimming in the ocean, cover yourself in gluten to lower the chances of being eaten by health conscious sharks."

"Q: How many British navy Officers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one but it takes him seven weeks to get there."

"I just burned 2000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap."

"I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around."

"How do you get 1000 dead babies into a phone booth? A blender. How do you get them out? Tostitos"

"A man was dissatisfied with a Chad Kroeger album he bought off of the 95% rack... So he returned it and got his Nickelback"