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Joke of the Day

"Note to self: ""rubber"" in the US does NOT mean ""eraser"". Bright side: my popularity in this office is at an all time high!"

"What's the best thing to have in a hairy situation? A razor."

"What do you call the space in between Pamela Anderson's breasts? Silicon Valley"

"My last girlfriend ate a like a bird She literally banged her head repeatedly onto the table to eat"

"Is it sad that the plans I make after work depend on how much charge I have left in my phone battery?"

"Just had the following conversation in court Judge: State your name. Me: Not Guilty Judge: What? Me: I had it legally changed. Judge: You're Not Guilty? Me: Thanks, I'm outta here"

"Where was Hitler sitting? Third from the Reich"

"Pessimist : The glass is half empty Optimist : The glass is half full Feminist : The glass is being raped"

"*purposely chooses network with most dropped calls*"

"Barack Obama is on a sinking ship, who gets saved? The Country!"