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Joke of the Day

"Is it sad that the plans I make after work depend on how much charge I have left in my phone battery?"

"A man walks in to a bar His alcoholism is destroying his family."

"how did the female half of the interracial couple open up the discussion about her swinging fantasy? Cracker wanna poly?"

"New friend: want 2 go tanning w/me tmrw? Me: ok. sounds fun. idk where 2 get cowhides. do u?"

"I have created a new Word! plagiarism"

"What do sick cannibals have for breakfast? Vitamin bills!"

"I thought /r/TwoXChromosomes was a mental retardation subreddit. The posts didn't convince me otherwise"

"[GOP debate] JOHN KASICH: my dad was a mailman so i understand our nation's struggles MODERATOR: what how JK: i went through everyone's mail"

"If you could go back in time, would you kill Hitler or just watch movies that aren't about superheroes?"

"How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber? You ask them to pronounce unionize."