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Joke of the Day

"When I was growing up plastic surgery was a bit of a taboo subject, these days if you mention botox no one raises an eyebrow."

"How many 9GAGers does it take to change a lightbulb? Exactly the same amount as the Redditors on /r/AdviceAnimals and /r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu ."

"My friend the Scarecrow just got a promotion He was outstanding in his field"

"What is a male porn actor's favorite one hit wonder song? Come on Eileen."

"Unicorns are extinct because they weren't horny enough. mind=blown"

"A brief guide to small talk: Read someone's t-shirt out loud to them. Ask what it means. Casually flick their nipple. Ask where they got it."

"Carving a boob from a tree would be pretty cool Wooden tit?"

"When someone tells me that they have no life I usually respond with this... Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Select Start"

"The other day my friend threw up grapes.... And wouldn't stop wine-ing about it"

"Children are the ultimate invaders: they steal all your resources & then try to convince the original inhabitants to worship their weird art"