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Joke of the Day

"What candy do you give your wife before you get married? Pre-nup brittle."

"I'm a firm believer in the separation of church and hate."

"Wife: I lost my day planner. Me: Not in your briefcase? W: No. I looked EVERYWHERE. M: Well it looks like you've got a hidden agenda W:"

"I'm not the hero Gotham deserves. I'm Pete I work at Subway. Do u want extra meetballs."

"Martin Luther King Jr, Gahndi, and JFK walk together into a bar. ""Don't worry,"" they say to the other angels as they dusted themselves off ""the bullets hurt much more."""

"I'm sorry son, but autocorrect keeps changing your name to Marty. That's your new name now, there's nothing we can do about it."

"I auditioned for a role in Star Wars: The Force Awakens Unfortunately, I was a white male."

"Job hunting tip: Leave the facial piercings at home. Hard to get hired when you look like you fell down a flight of stairs with a tackle box"

"My girlfriend and I went to the Renaissance fair and saw a minstrel get cut in the arm He's gonna be okay though, my girlfriend had just the thing to stop the flow of minstrel blood"

"Maid of Honor speeches shouldn't end with, ""I'll see you all at her next one."" I know that now."