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Joke of the Day

"Maid of Honor speeches shouldn't end with, ""I'll see you all at her next one."" I know that now."

"I got this really good lifeprotip while in the shower, but I forgot it when I dropped the soap. Ah, now I remember what it was. Never pick up the soap when showering in a prison."

"When you find a body beneath your floorboards is it face up or face down that's good luck?"

"Butter Joke There's a brick of butter and a fly, the fly was stuck on the butter. The fly says to the butter ""Hey butter , why don't you fly."" The butter says ""Because I'm not a Butterfly!"""

"What does Donald Trump play most of the time? President Evil."

"Old Testament: Death, plagues, vengeance New Testament: Forgiveness, love, wants you to call home Having a kid really mellowed God out."

"Q:What did the German Police office say to his nipple. A:*You are under a vest.*"

"How to explain non-alcoholic beer? It's like eating your sisters pussy, the taste is the same but you know something is not right."

"It's alright if we're doing it all wrong. After all, we are the first generation to deal with midlife crisis by staring at our phones."

"Why don't seagulls fly in the bay? Because they don't want to be bagels."