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Joke of the Day

"Why did the nihilist cross the road? It doesn't matter."

"Nowhere is it more evident That the middle finger IS a suitable mode of communication Than when driving to work"

"At Comic Con, all I could think was how happy these people's moms must be to have the house to themselves for a few hours."

"""This is bullshit"" - bull farmer giving barn tours"

"[woman on death row] ""Your last meal?"" - I don't care. You pick. ""Fish?"" - Gross no ""Steak?"" - No. Anything is fine tho. ""Pasta?"" - Ew carbs"

"Why don't the french like kiwifruit? Because of the green piece inside."

"My New Years resolution is to not make a New Years resolution. I figure I am going to fuck it up anyway... I may as well do it from the start."

"So, my Doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating... I asked ""Why?"" and she replied, ""because I'm trying to examine you!"""

"Was at the dentist the other day, he told me to say ""ahhhh"" I asked him why, he said his dog died - Tommy Cooper"

"I think my dog is an alcoholic. He can't hold his licker."