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Joke of the Day

"At Comic Con, all I could think was how happy these people's moms must be to have the house to themselves for a few hours."

"American kids need to get better grades in school. Come on, guys. It's USA, not USB."

"""Jess is coming over"" ""Jess who indiscriminately murders people or-"" *Gets stabbed to death* ""Yes"""

"Young enough to know I can, old enough to know I shouldn't, stupid enough to do it anyway."

"Two widgets walk into a sidebar... where's the menu? ...my wife's joke :)"

"woman vs Food would be a very boring show where she gazes wistfully at the dessert menu and sighs."

"If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?"

"I saw Denzel Washington on the street today. I said ""Hey Denzel! Can I get a picture with you?"" And he's all like ""I'm not Denzel Washington you racist piece of shit."" Classic Denzel."

"In china, tried Donkey meat yesterday.... It tasted like ass."

"The police just released a statement that someone is going around pickpocketing midgets. I'm surprised someone could stoop so low."