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Joke of the Day

"[woman on death row] ""Your last meal?"" - I don't care. You pick. ""Fish?"" - Gross no ""Steak?"" - No. Anything is fine tho. ""Pasta?"" - Ew carbs"

"Why did all of the frog guidance counselor's students become construction workers? The only advice he could give them was ""rivet, rivet."""

"I sold my vacuum cleaner on ebay........ It was just sat in the corner collecting dust....."

"What did the cat use to sharpen its claws? Me. Ow."

"What do you get when you cross a duck and a cat? A Chinese restaurant's newest entree!"

"What emits a monochromatic beam of salty snack food? Frito Layser."

"The day my wife found out she was pregnant, everything changed... My name, my phone number, my address, and my country of residence."

"According to NASA scientists, black holes were created using The Space Shovel"

"I went to the Zoo today, only animal there was a dog... It was a Shih Tzu"

"Boy calls911 Boy calls 911. Boy: Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning."