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Joke of the Day

"Me: Are you still wearing pajamas? Go change. 4yo: *Goes upstairs *Comes down wearing different pair of pajamas"

"David Cameron didn't do much as the Prime Minister of the UK But Theresa May."

"Why did Little Miss Muffet have GPS on her Tuffet? To keep her from losing her whey."

"How many monastic women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None... they live an ascetic lifestyle and prefer to not use electricity."

"Why did Johnny drop his ice cream? Because he got hit by a truck!"

"A Linux sysadmin walks into a pharmacy. ""ephedrine?"" ""I can't serve you that"" ""sudoephedrine"" ""There you go""."

"What's the difference between someone falling from 21st floor and 1st floor? 21st floor person goes: AHHHHHHHHHH *thump* 1st floor goes: *thump* AHHHHHHHHHH"

"What makes the Japanese better than Al Qaeda? At least the Japanese were considerate enough to bring their own planes"

"Two introverts go to a bar. They leave immediately."

"If you're 17 and your 200 year old lover won't turn you into a vampire so you can be together forever, he's just not that into you."