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Joke of the Day

"How many monastic women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None... they live an ascetic lifestyle and prefer to not use electricity."

"I have decided to start a strict vegetarian diet Starting tonight I will enjoy a nice thick steak. Cows are the most delicious of the strict vegetarians"

"My wife left me *sobs uncontrollably*"

"A guy walks into a bar with a gun and yelled ""Who slept with my wife?"" and in the background someone replied ""You ain't got enough bullets."""

"""Pass the joint."" -Cannibals at dinner"

"My wife and I are walking through Central Park and pointing out all of the places that we remember seeing dead bodies on Law & Order."

"Beginning to worry that, on my deathbed, I'm going to be just lying there, refreshing twitter."

"What sound does a subatomic Cow make? Muuuuuuon"

"Doctor: ""The CAT scan results are in and they have confirmed my suspicions."" Me: ""Okay, I'm ready."" Doctor: ""You're not a cat."""

"Apathy, lethargy, stationary. Words to live by."