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Joke of the Day

"Date: so what do you do Me: i build dog houses Date: oh you're an ""arf""itect lol Me: haha good one Date: Me: (under breath) it's ""bark""itect"

"Why did the semen cross the road? I put on the wrong sock this morning"

"My girlfriend attended a 3 day course on ""How Not to talk on the phone"" but missed the beginning. She mistook the course to be ""How to talk on the phone."""

"I'm against vaccination! Vaccines save lives and I'm against overpopulation!"

"The Oedipal complex.. It's the difference between MILF and M,ILF."

"Why don't women need watches? There's a clock on the stove."

"So won't Surreal Slim Shady please stand up, please stand dOwN, please RIDE A TRICYCLE THROUGH A DENTISTS WAITING ROOM DRESSED AS A PENGUIN"

"Why did the vampire have pedestrian eyes? They looked both ways before they crossed."

"Why do sailors drink so much? We sleep better when the room is moving"

"I used to work at a soda pressing factory... I had to compress soda cans all day. It was so depressing. (so...da...pressing). HA!"