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Joke of the Day

"This dude forgot to put tomatoes on my sandwich. Thanks, ""artist"". Now I have nothing to pick off."

"Give a man a fish he eats for a day... Teach a man to fish, he sits out on the lake drinking beer all summer"

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None, feminists can't change anything"

"Q: What did the thermometer say to the other thermometer? A: You make my temperature rise."

"I'm so proud of my African pen pal. He told me he hasn't had a drink in days. That's the spirit! Keep it up pal."

"Help! I was in Chipotle and a Vampire Weekend song came on and now I'm a Toms shoe!"

"*talking to mailman* So are you like, made of mail? *mailman laughs* ""sure, kid"" So that must mean.. *fireman & garbageman walk by* Holy shi"

"What do you call a horny homosexual? Homorectus. Sorry"

"I don't understand women. I also don't understand how a car works but I still drive it."

"Is the officer from the McKinney police video... Applying for the role of Paul Blart: Mall Cop 3? That recovery off the tuck and roll was impeccable."