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Joke of the Day

"Is the officer from the McKinney police video... Applying for the role of Paul Blart: Mall Cop 3? That recovery off the tuck and roll was impeccable."

"50% of analysis is... anal."

"So a vegan sits down at a bar... I only know that because he won't shut the fuck up about it."

"Found a copy of ""Dr. No"" in German, and it only set me back nein euro."

"chinese name joke what do you call a drunk chinese schoolgirl? sum yung fun."

"Anytime I'm using a stall in a public restroom and someone knocks on the door, I always say, ""Did you bring the lube?"" As loud as possible."

"Before I got divorced, I should have converted all my assets to jokes. Because my ex couldn't ever take one."

"What do you call a speeding vegetable? Michael Schumacher."

"Can someone please invent pantyhose that don't rip? I think everyone in this bank just saw my face."

"I also do all my own stunts, but never intentionally."