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Joke of the Day

"[talking to family after emergency surgery] Your positive energy saved my life Surgeon: *waves hand* umm hello"

"Why are Japanese people likely to be cannibals? They eat ramen!"

"Food bank Im that poor i cant even get help from the food bank, they said I'm 2 tins of Tomatoes and a banana overdrawn."

"What's the difference between a dirty old bus station and a lobster with boobs? One's a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean."

"*grandpa in hospice* ""son your generation relies on technology too much"" ""no gramps"" *pulls the plug* ""yours does."" beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep"

"I have just seen a load of dyslexic africans. They were laying flowers at nissan maindealers."

"What did the lesbian vampires say to each other? Seeya next month!"

"Why did the nihilist cross the road? It doesn't matter."

"What do you call a place that you put an arrested caucasian gang member in? A white blood cell."

"Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers? People were confused about which side to spit on."