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Joke of the Day

"Where have you been all my life? Please go back there."

"What do you do when you are done with the vegetables? You put them back in the wheelchair"

"my son would be amazed if I showed him a first generation iPod because we've never met"

"I was once slapped in the face by a girl with twelve nipples... (.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.)(.) Sounds weird, dozen tit?"

"Don't ask me about my pan pizza... It's personal."

"Of my four girlfriends, I'm totally the orange Pacman ghost of the group"

"Sometimes my stomach will make a noise and my brain will be like ok I never signed off on that"

"The last words of an electrician ""Yeah you can turn it on, it is proven."""

"Working with cops as a none cop has its benefits. I always get to say the same joke and always get a laugh. ""Do i smell Bacon!"" i love cops... ill show myself out."

"The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off."