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Joke of the Day

"Why do men name their penises? Because they don't like the idea of a stranger making 90% of their decisions."

"What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly."

"Three guys walk into a bar... The fourth one ducks under it."

"I just tried to make reservations at the library. Couldn't get one though. They were fully booked."

"Reasons to carry a handkerchief: 3) You've never heard of tissues 2) You're doing a magic trick 1) You're hiding your face to rob a train"

"Is your refrigerator running?... Cause it would probably be a better president #fridge2k16"

"What do you call a smart pig? Swinestein."

"Chinese kid was born before the due date. Parents named him Sudden Lee."

"[in church] ""And Jesus, our saviour, died on the cross for your sins."" [vicar points directly at me & entire congregation collectively nods]"

"They asked me earlier today what is beer made of Unfortunately I didn't know the answer as I barley pay attention to those facts."