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Joke of the Day

"Reasons to carry a handkerchief: 3) You've never heard of tissues 2) You're doing a magic trick 1) You're hiding your face to rob a train"

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"What I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have adquired over a.... *Accidentally drops cell phone on the toilet*"
"Donald Trump has a new book coming out The Art of the Feel"
"why did princess Diana cross the road? she wasnt wearing her seatbelt...."
"Why didn't Bruce Willis star in the movie ""Titanic""? Because he would've saved everybody."
"Help us choose a new name for our nonprofit. We're teenagers in China and Japan helping senior citizens. Apparently 'Youth in Asia for the Elderly' isn't having the effect we thought it would."
"""Kumail. Kumail. K. U. M. No. M. Just write Jason."" - me right after ordering coffee"
"We should just rename television viewing ""watching Geico commercials""."
"Using Craigslist can get you murdered, but that's only one of its many advantages"
"Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan."