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Joke of the Day

"If uncle Jack helps you off an elephant ...would you help your uncle Jack off an elephant?"

"""I ran a half marathon"" sounds so much better than ""I quit halfway through a marathon""."

"Why do lawyers wear neckties? to keep their foreskins from creeping up."

"My hammer is alot like my dick... About 20 years old and hooks slightly to the left"

"I made my 4-year-old sit at the table till she finished her lunch It took her 3 hours She was so excited to be done Then I served dinner."

"I got a job as a stand up with a comic sans resume, but i lost my CV Now im a comic sans resume"

"Stop making child molestation jokes It's a really touchy subject"

"Why did the rich guy crash his car? He wanted to see how the Mercedes bends"

"And they lived apathetically ever after."

"[adrift at sea] CLOWN: no worries, we can use this helium canister to propel us to shore ME: *really squeaky voice* we need a different plan"