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Joke of the Day
"""I ran a half marathon"" sounds so much better than ""I quit halfway through a marathon""."
Next Joke
"What do sick cannibals have for breakfast? Vitamin bills!"
"We now have TWO Wawa's by the interstate. The one on the east side of I4 is not so bad. But the other one, whoa. It's the Wawa West over there."
"Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds super fun if you don't know what either of those things are."
"What do you get when you do laundry and accidentally leave chocolate in your pocket? Lindt choclate."
"Two pretzels were walking down the street, then one got a-salted"
"HR: Know why we called you down? Me: Hmm...a raise? HR: You know we monitor internet usage right? Me: I'd like to report a hacking!"
"""It wasn't always easy growing up. Sometimes we had to wait .04 seconds for 9 million Google results to load."" - 2044 Presidential candidate"
"*Panda walks into shop, ""A packet of nuts please."" Assistant: ""pandas don't eat nuts."" -""dammit"" panda suit opens and 36 squirrels run off."
"I asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight... to fulfill my fantasy... that we have health insurance."