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Joke of the Day

"[adrift at sea] CLOWN: no worries, we can use this helium canister to propel us to shore ME: *really squeaky voice* we need a different plan"

"I ran into a dance club for people with back problems It was called the Slipped Disco"

"The fact that people use the wrong ""your,"" ""there,"" ""it's"" and ""its"" yet spell ""Bieber"" correctly just kills me."

"So a fisherman is having an argument with a stain on his shirt.. And the stain says ""I'm fish jizz, thank you."" And the fisherman replies ""No, you're whale-cum"""

"Your mom said she wanted something that could go from zero to two hundred in 3 seconds... ...so I bought her a scale."

"Drunk girls whisper in caps lock."

"I spent 69 years making memes in a musty dungeon. They were pretty dank."

"How do you circumcise a whale? Four skin divers"

"What does Kim Jong Un do when he's angry? [removed]"

"What's the best way to stop a runaway horse? Bet on it."