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Joke of the Day

"Attention people with multiple people in your avi's: Draw an arrow pointing to yourself, OR replace it with a cat. Thanks, The rest of us"

"So I saw that the new dinosaur in Jurassic Park is a hybrid Guess that makes it Priustoric"

"""You do realize it's a crime to lie in court, right?"" *I think for a moment and then move my hands closer together*"

"Why doesn't Stephen Hawking need a wife? Because he has his own shoulder to cry on. Edit: all credit goes to /u/Earleebird who posted it in a comment in /r/oldschoolcool"

"Saw a post stating ""taking it one day at a time,"" so I responded ""me too. That's how days work."""

"My fathers wife bought a ""Christian cookbook"" I didn't even know they had different recipes, I've been eating sin all along."

"What does a Canadian get by mixing black and white? Greh."

"What's worse than having a girlfriend with no tits? Having tits and no girlfriend."

"An old guy with a horrible toupee stopped me in the parking lot to tell me this random joke...made me crack up. How do you get down from an elephant?? YOU DON'T! You get down from a goose!!"

"Just got a fancy new bathroom scale that tells you what percentage pizza you are."